As many of yall may come to realise, ive already been enlisted to SISPEC. Currently undergoing through some basic section leader course. in short BSLC. it has been rather intense but its wad ive come to expect in command school anyways. But fact of the matter is, other company enjoyed the luxury of so called welfare training. Be it upteenth canteen breaks that they've indulged themselves in, earlier book out, no physical activty. From the moment i fall in to report, we were given a good dressing down by the 2i/c. Call that culture shock but i guess i rather have to get use to it since ive been through it before. I guess its unfortunate of me to be in Delta company. despite that, for all the shitty training that ive been subjected to in camp, im not really bothered by it.

what's irking me the past week, heck the past week or so, has been the recurring problem that i just could not get it off my mind. It jus sucks to be thinking about it all day and night. Whenever i went back to my bunk after training at night and turn on my phone, disappointment beckons. constantly saying to myself that it will eventually come. hoping. praying. awaiting. well who am i kidding. its well over and done with in the 1st place. whichever i look at it, i somehow cannot figure out how it started but it has become apparent that im no longer part of it. and the fcuking thing is it gets stuck in my head wherever i go despite my best attempts to chuck it. to be honest when i look back at my life its always full of regrets. Its just the fact that i always think to myself that i need to do something so as not to let this prolong and i have a role to play despite the constant barrage of mishaps that made me what i am now. well i thought i could be perfect. sometimes u know, when u feel u're on top of the world, something suddenly just hit you just like that and bring you back down to earth. Countless i've experience that. But i know that being perfect is when you can look someone in the eye and know you did not let them down.

I feel i've been sold out. i'm stuck in this world. i couldn't leave. im still here. waiting.